A letter

Dear Grams,
It's been almost five months since you have passed to the other side of the veil. It's hard to believe. Sometimes the pain is still very thick and raw but oh how happy you must be there! And that brings me joy.  I can only imagine the vast congregation that was there to herald your arrival. For you lived here as the Savior did. You went about doing good, serving, and giving to others with such selflessness. Anyone who met you would know it. It was so brightly reflected in your countenance. Your obedience and conviction to the gospel was so clear and strong. A true disciple of Jesus Christ. A woman of great, great worth. I've studied the Spirit World and pondered it a lot. What a joy it must be to be reunited with so many loved ones! Especially your mother, father, and sister. And to have a greater knowledge of our Heavenly Fathers plan. I know you are so happy in your new assignment. Oh if I could just glimpse into your world for a moment.
But grams, sometimes I'm a little selfish and I just ache to see you one more time. To see you sewing your latest quilt or wall hanging, to see you baking in your kitchen putting butter and homemade bread on the table, or coming next door to my parents to catch up on the latest with all of us kids. I want to hear you say "how's my Rach?" and play with my kids and talk about how cute they are. I know my little Max would catch your heart as my Sadie girl did. I want to hear you tell me to not straighten my curly hair. I want to hear you say "Oh my stars!" I want to come over and see your latest project you're working on, which usually involved sewing, knitting, crocheting, or quilting. How many people you blessed with those talents! I want to see your beautiful smile and the way your eyes literally sparkle. Oh how I miss all those things and many more. There are so many places, words, things, and songs that remind me of you and always will and I hold onto them because it makes me feel that you are still here. Even if just for a moment. Do you miss us, grams? I have a picture of you and grandpa on my fridge that is a constant reminder of the person I want to be and the kind of marriage I am striving for.
You were a fighter when you got diagnosed. You fought so, so hard and although you are not here with us physically, I believe you won. Through all the hard, and often excruciating times, your faith was firm and your testimony shone brightly the way you handled everything. I think besides the pain, the thing that was hard for me was when you started losing your hair. Oh how I sobbed. I had prayed so long and hard and often that you would be spared that. I didn't want you to lose your beautiful head of hair. I had been your hairdresser for years so this touched a tender place in my heart. But, when I helped to cut it in a short style you looked just as stunning. Not to anyone's surprise. What a beautiful lady you are! I had the privilege of a few precious moments with your your last few days here. I hold them so dear and have them safely tucked away in my heart. One thing I would like to share is the Spirit that was in your home those final days. The Spirit has always been in your home but this was unlike anything I have ever felt. Such a sacred feeling that words can hardly touch. Your home was full of people, few of those being physical bodies. How grateful I am for the gospel! I went to your grave the other day and had a few precious minutes to myself. It was one of those times everything became real and I just let out all my emotions. I cried and I cried. I didn't want to get back in the car but I had two children who needed me and as hard as it was to leave I felt such peace. I have faith in the Lords plan. I know His plan is truly a plan of happiness. I will see you again! Oh how joyful that will be. I've had some really neat experiences where I have felt you so close to me and I cherish those moments and think about them often. I draw strength from them and my testimony has grown because of those tender experiences. You're still here grams. I know it. Helping all of us in ways you weren't able to physically. If that's even possible. We are so blessed, aren't we? I think of you often, and feel humbled and so privileged to be your granddaughter. Thank you, thank you. You are forever in my heart. I love you grams, so so very much.

Love,
Rachel