It's interesting, living away from the "mormon bubble" as some people may call it. There's always going to be pro's and con's wherever one lives and I could spend a long time talking about that subject alone, but I'm not going to. I love where I'm from and I'm happy where I'm at. Truly happy. In some ways I really feel myself growing here in ways I wasn't at home. Other times I feel myself getting caught up in some "worldly" things and then I have to refocus in on what's most important. What's hard is that sometimes I may be lazy about something and not even realize it. Then I have a lesson about it in church and I think, whoa! I gotta start doing better at that- when did I let that slip? You know?
Now I realize I'm skipping ahead here but stay with me. Facebook. It's a love/hate relationship and I would say most agree with that. I am home a lot (especially now that it's getting cold!) and sometimes facebook is a nice social outlet. Same with blogging. My ward has a FB group that all the sisters can get on and ask questions or post activities or things for sale...etc. It's FANTASTIC! It's been such a help for my family and I at times. I love it. Lots of good things about facebook. My problem- sometimes I get on there and start comparing! worst. thing. ever. i know! So then I start feeling down thinking "well so and so's husband did this" or "wow they went on a cruise" or whatever it is... no bueno. The same goes for blogging. Some people only blog about the "highlights" of life, naturally. And so I start comparing again. So, I'm working on it. I think we all have to work on it- maybe in different levels but I think we all struggle with it to a degree. So, I'm trying to spend less time on the internet and more time doing things worthwhile, like reading. I love love love to read. That one is not hard for me. I could read all day long if it was an option. Also, I'm going to serve my husband more. It's one of my new years resolutions and I'm quite ecstatic about it. I went to a marriage workshop yesterday for a Relief Society activity and came home with wonderful advice and a lot of ambition to make my husband the happiest man alive. I love him so much.
Church. I just got called to be in the primary presidency. I am sooo excited! A little nervous too. I have not been in primary since I was in primary as a child, so I'm re-learning the ropes again. I've only been in one Sunday and I already had tears in my eyes. Those children are so precious and who can deny the beautiful Spirit those children's songs bring? I am humbled to have this calling because I know I will learn more from them. After all, aren't we taught to become like them?
Institute. I attend institute every thursday. I love it. The missionary couple that teaches it are so awesome and they come so prepared. I love that hour and a half lesson each week. It's one more reminder of what really matters.
My husband, my daughter, scripture reading, and prayer- they are the most constant everyday reminders I have of what's most important. They keep me on track and help me so very much. I am so so grateful for them. I recently read in Nephi when he says "Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?" and King Lamoni's father says in reference to God, "I will give away all my sins to know thee." Another scriptural account says, "their hearts had been changed; that they had no more desire to do evil." I love those scriptures. I want that. I want to get to that level of trust and faith and one mindedness and I know I can. I know I can. It excites me to think about it. I love the daily reminders in the scriptures that teach us what we need to truly be happy.
The temple. My husband and I, along with some friends were able to go to the temple the other day. First time since we've left home. I've missed the temple. It's not easy living in a place where the temple is far away. The night before, when my husband and I discussed and decided we were going to make it work, that we were going to the temple the next day, I got tears in my eyes. I was so excited and so ready to go. It was a wonderful experience. It always feels right to be in the temple. What beautiful blessings and covenants are promised and made there.
So, back to my earlier discussion, I need to stay focused on the positive things about life that really matter and let go of all the nonsense that keeps me from being that much closer to my Savior. I'm going to do it. And as for reality- I already have it "all." there is no need for me to compare. I have a handsome husband who is working so hard in school to provide for our family, I have the privilege of being a stay at home mom to our beautiful, healthy, happy baby girl. We have been sealed in the temple for time and all eternity, and we almost always have homemade cookies in our home. :)
I realize all these thoughts might not make sense to anyone but me but I've had so much on my mind lately and I needed to jot some things down.
Today, my daughter and I skyped with my mom and my grandma. Four generations skyping together. It was so great! One of those times when you feel pure joy. And I know it was pure joy because I looked over at my daughter talking to her grandma and great grandma and she had the same look on her face. She kept reaching out her hands for my grandma to hold her. I know she remembers her. She also wanted to play "patty cake" with my grandma and she is the one who taught my daughter that. I wish time could have frozen for a moment. I know we all felt so connected to one another.
Life is good!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Dear Ashley
Dear Ashley,
I can hardly tell you how much of an impact you have had on my family for good. Your strength, faith, testimony, attitude, everything about the situation you've been in the last year and a half has amazed me and made me a better person. I'm counting my blessings more and trying to focus on what's most important. Your little angel was taken from you one day shy of being 19 months old. Yesterday, my little girl was one day shy of being 19 months old. I put her to bed last night and then my husband and I fixed hot chocolate, popped some popcorn and were climbing into bed to watch an NBA game together. As we were just about settled in ready to watch the game I just felt such a need, an ache to hold my little girl. One of those moments when you have a such a real and strong desire to just be near your child and hold them, like you can't quench it type of feeling. I fought it for a minute, then told my husband that I just needed to hold her. Of course he gently said, "then go do it, hun. Go hold her if you need to. Get her out of bed." So I went into my girls room and there she was, lying awake quietly sucking her thumb. So I stroked her forehead and talked quietly to her and then she reached out her arms to me so I picked her up and I just held her so tight and then I got so teary and started to cry. I cried thinking of you and what must have taken place that night you had to say goodbye to your angel for now. I cried not being able to imagine the heart ache you've gone through. I cried feeling so overwhelmingly blessed to have my little girl. I told her over and over how special she is and how much she is loved. I held her for a while and stared into her eyes then tickled her and made her laugh, then gently put her back down to sleep, stroked her forehead, gave her more kisses and told her that I love her.
It was such a tender moment. I'm so glad I didn't supress that feeling I had to hold her.
Thank you for being so wonderful and such a valiant example all the time of what matters most. You probably will never read this but I just want to say thank you. I feel so privileged to know you. You're still in my thoughts and prayers all the time. I love you Ash. Thank you for inspiring me.
love, Rachel
I can hardly tell you how much of an impact you have had on my family for good. Your strength, faith, testimony, attitude, everything about the situation you've been in the last year and a half has amazed me and made me a better person. I'm counting my blessings more and trying to focus on what's most important. Your little angel was taken from you one day shy of being 19 months old. Yesterday, my little girl was one day shy of being 19 months old. I put her to bed last night and then my husband and I fixed hot chocolate, popped some popcorn and were climbing into bed to watch an NBA game together. As we were just about settled in ready to watch the game I just felt such a need, an ache to hold my little girl. One of those moments when you have a such a real and strong desire to just be near your child and hold them, like you can't quench it type of feeling. I fought it for a minute, then told my husband that I just needed to hold her. Of course he gently said, "then go do it, hun. Go hold her if you need to. Get her out of bed." So I went into my girls room and there she was, lying awake quietly sucking her thumb. So I stroked her forehead and talked quietly to her and then she reached out her arms to me so I picked her up and I just held her so tight and then I got so teary and started to cry. I cried thinking of you and what must have taken place that night you had to say goodbye to your angel for now. I cried not being able to imagine the heart ache you've gone through. I cried feeling so overwhelmingly blessed to have my little girl. I told her over and over how special she is and how much she is loved. I held her for a while and stared into her eyes then tickled her and made her laugh, then gently put her back down to sleep, stroked her forehead, gave her more kisses and told her that I love her.
It was such a tender moment. I'm so glad I didn't supress that feeling I had to hold her.
Thank you for being so wonderful and such a valiant example all the time of what matters most. You probably will never read this but I just want to say thank you. I feel so privileged to know you. You're still in my thoughts and prayers all the time. I love you Ash. Thank you for inspiring me.
love, Rachel
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