Womanhood

  This is a big topic that could be discussed endlessly and with great detail but tonight my thoughts are simple and that's how I want to remember them. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (the church I belong to) published this book. Daughters in My Kingdom. As it says in the bottom corner, this book is about the history and work of Relief Society- of the sisters of the church. I have had my copy for a couple years now but until recently have sadly only glimpsed at a few pages of the book.  It was a month or so ago I was reading a friends blog and she mentioned some neat, tender thoughts about a specific part of this book. Ever since then I have felt the Spirit tug at my heart strings to read it.  I am in the process now and my testimony of womanhood has increased and strengthened a lot.
I don't want to go into detail or write down all the ways the respect, moral, and virtue of womanhood is spiraling downward at a fast pace. It's all around us, it's easy to see and I simply don't feel the need to mention it. But my heart has felt a bit heavy yet so passionate about this topic lately. It has been on my mind a great deal. Not only have I thought about womanhood in general as a whole, but what kind of a woman I am. Am I polite? Ladylike? Do I use manners? Do I understand my role as a woman? What is my daughter learning about womanhood from my example? In what areas have I become casual? How is my confidence level? We as mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, friends, granddaughters, cousins, visiting teachers...etc have such a crucial and sacred role! I cannot express my belief and knowledge on that enough. We have a divine purpose! We are daughters of Heavenly Father. He loves us so much. We are wanted. We are needed. We are in no way inferior or superior to men but we are equal, and we each have sacred purposes and responsibilities. We need each other. It's wonderful! 
My mom and I were driving in the car the other day and we were discussing this same topic. I was talking about the past when woman were so ladylike and had wonderful manners and men were gentlemen. I then asked, "When did all that go away?" My dear mom then said, "When woman allowed it."  I believe that's true. A man can only be a gentleman when we give him the opportunity. So, that night I tested my husband :) We were going on a date and when we walked outside to get into the car to leave I just stood by my door. He had his door open and was about to sit down when he looked at me standing by my door. My message was clear and I tell you, he hopped out of that car so fast :) He walked over and opened my door for me and I kindly said "Thank you." That was it. Nothing big but I'm trying to recognize what I can do to be more ladylike and to allow my husband to be a gentleman. (Though I can assure you he already is in many ways.)
This book, Daughters in My Kingdom is full of stories of the woman of the church and the work, spirituality, and charity they have provided to endless amounts of people. It's amazing. I have learned so much. The Lord always prepares His people for things to come. I believe often times He gives us answers to problems before they arise. This book was published two years ago and when I think of the disturbing things I've heard or seen recently that are directed to woman I cannot help but say that I know this book is here to help us as woman in the world today. The church was so inspired to write it. It has already helped me in so many ways. As I was reading from it today I thought of my husband, and the tender spot he has in his heart for our daughter. Tears came to my eyes as I thought of our Heavenly Father. I think He has a tender spot in His heart for all of His daughters. I believe it's true. I'm holding that thought safely tucked inside my heart.
I am a woman. A daughter of a Heavenly King. My divine potential is so much more vast and glorious than my finite mind can comprehend. I love and find great joy in my role as a woman. I know He has a specific purpose and plan for me. I have been so blessed to be surrounded by stalwart women who have understood and passionately devoted themselves to their sacred calling. We are of great, great worth and we are in an eternal partnership with Him. Isn't that beautiful?

A letter

Dear Grams,
It's been almost five months since you have passed to the other side of the veil. It's hard to believe. Sometimes the pain is still very thick and raw but oh how happy you must be there! And that brings me joy.  I can only imagine the vast congregation that was there to herald your arrival. For you lived here as the Savior did. You went about doing good, serving, and giving to others with such selflessness. Anyone who met you would know it. It was so brightly reflected in your countenance. Your obedience and conviction to the gospel was so clear and strong. A true disciple of Jesus Christ. A woman of great, great worth. I've studied the Spirit World and pondered it a lot. What a joy it must be to be reunited with so many loved ones! Especially your mother, father, and sister. And to have a greater knowledge of our Heavenly Fathers plan. I know you are so happy in your new assignment. Oh if I could just glimpse into your world for a moment.
But grams, sometimes I'm a little selfish and I just ache to see you one more time. To see you sewing your latest quilt or wall hanging, to see you baking in your kitchen putting butter and homemade bread on the table, or coming next door to my parents to catch up on the latest with all of us kids. I want to hear you say "how's my Rach?" and play with my kids and talk about how cute they are. I know my little Max would catch your heart as my Sadie girl did. I want to hear you tell me to not straighten my curly hair. I want to hear you say "Oh my stars!" I want to come over and see your latest project you're working on, which usually involved sewing, knitting, crocheting, or quilting. How many people you blessed with those talents! I want to see your beautiful smile and the way your eyes literally sparkle. Oh how I miss all those things and many more. There are so many places, words, things, and songs that remind me of you and always will and I hold onto them because it makes me feel that you are still here. Even if just for a moment. Do you miss us, grams? I have a picture of you and grandpa on my fridge that is a constant reminder of the person I want to be and the kind of marriage I am striving for.
You were a fighter when you got diagnosed. You fought so, so hard and although you are not here with us physically, I believe you won. Through all the hard, and often excruciating times, your faith was firm and your testimony shone brightly the way you handled everything. I think besides the pain, the thing that was hard for me was when you started losing your hair. Oh how I sobbed. I had prayed so long and hard and often that you would be spared that. I didn't want you to lose your beautiful head of hair. I had been your hairdresser for years so this touched a tender place in my heart. But, when I helped to cut it in a short style you looked just as stunning. Not to anyone's surprise. What a beautiful lady you are! I had the privilege of a few precious moments with your your last few days here. I hold them so dear and have them safely tucked away in my heart. One thing I would like to share is the Spirit that was in your home those final days. The Spirit has always been in your home but this was unlike anything I have ever felt. Such a sacred feeling that words can hardly touch. Your home was full of people, few of those being physical bodies. How grateful I am for the gospel! I went to your grave the other day and had a few precious minutes to myself. It was one of those times everything became real and I just let out all my emotions. I cried and I cried. I didn't want to get back in the car but I had two children who needed me and as hard as it was to leave I felt such peace. I have faith in the Lords plan. I know His plan is truly a plan of happiness. I will see you again! Oh how joyful that will be. I've had some really neat experiences where I have felt you so close to me and I cherish those moments and think about them often. I draw strength from them and my testimony has grown because of those tender experiences. You're still here grams. I know it. Helping all of us in ways you weren't able to physically. If that's even possible. We are so blessed, aren't we? I think of you often, and feel humbled and so privileged to be your granddaughter. Thank you, thank you. You are forever in my heart. I love you grams, so so very much.

Love,
Rachel