Dear Ashley

Dear Ashley,
I can hardly tell you how much of an impact you have had on my family for good. Your strength, faith, testimony, attitude, everything about the situation you've been in the last year and a half has amazed me and made me a better person. I'm counting my blessings more and trying to focus on what's most important. Your little angel was taken from you one day shy of being 19 months old. Yesterday, my little girl was one day shy of being 19 months old. I put her to bed last night and then my husband and I fixed hot chocolate, popped some popcorn and were climbing into bed to watch an NBA game together. As we were just about settled in ready to watch the game I just felt such a need, an ache to hold my little girl. One of those moments when you have a such a real and strong desire to just be near your child and hold them, like you can't quench it type of feeling. I fought it for a minute, then told my husband that I just needed to hold her. Of course he gently said, "then go do it, hun. Go hold her if you need to. Get her out of bed." So I went into my girls room and there she was, lying awake quietly sucking her thumb. So I stroked her forehead and talked quietly to her and then she reached out her arms to me so I picked her up and I just held her so tight and then I got so teary and started to cry. I cried thinking of you and what must have taken place that night you had to say goodbye to your angel for now. I cried not being able to imagine the heart ache you've gone through. I cried feeling so overwhelmingly blessed to have my little girl. I told her over and over how special she is and how much she is loved. I held her for a while and stared into her eyes then tickled her and made her laugh, then gently put her back down to sleep, stroked her forehead, gave her more kisses and told her that I love her.

It was such a tender moment. I'm so glad I didn't supress that feeling I had to hold her.
Thank you for being so wonderful and such a valiant example all the time of what matters most. You probably will never read this but I just want to say thank you. I feel so privileged to know you. You're still in my thoughts and prayers all the time. I love you Ash. Thank you for inspiring me.

love, Rachel